Mama(n)datory

I know I just made a post about my daughters' opposite personalities.

Today, it's of Sofia. One tough little lady, this Sofia. (Did we chose a wrong name for her, what does the name Sofia represents again?)

She picked up fights with her sister quite a number of times this couple of weeks. It's like she hold grudges towards her big sister. She snaps stuff away from her sister, she hits and made her sister cry, she shouts at and quarrels with her sister almost every other day.

I don't want to start listing how she behaves towards me, and her papa. Grrrrr. I boiled up almost every single day, I kid you not.

I find it rather difficult to advice and to talk things with her - it's either she ignores whatever I say or she'd throw her tantrum - she always, always stubbornly gets it her way.

Maybe it's a norm for a secondborn, maybe she's just seeking everyone's attention. Hmmn..I wonder.


She's always in control.

I'm known with a low level of patience and because of that(her behavior), I tend to easily get triggered. Menguji kesabaran betul. I've unintentionally raised my voice and even punished her at times.

I didn't mean to, but I just got to.
I don't know how else to handle and tackle her attention.

Slow talks? Didn't and will never work on her. Hati kering, this little girl.

She's only turning three this year-end. Maybe this is what they call as the 'terrible-two' phase?

Gosh, I feel bad.

I always regret the scolding and punishment. She's still a baby to me, who definitely doesn't need all of that. I know the scolding will just leave her with scars, and could even lead her to behave in such ways (could be worse) later in life.

Ya Allah, minta simpang jauh dari dia berperangai tak elok.

I'm always the bad guy, never her, never her big sister. At the end of the day, I'd be the one crying, upset over how bad I reacted towards my daughter(s).

I've done too much scolding I didn't intend to. I've stressed and tire myself out on most days. I feel more guilty each day, after each voice raised at them.

I just hope and I always pray she'd soften her heart at least a little as days go by, and to have more tolerance.

I keep on stressing that I care and I love both of my baby girls no matter how tough, or how rough, the challenges are. Amanah Allah dah beri, inshaAllah nak jaga, nak didik, nak sayang, nak tatang hingga ke akhir hayat.

So who says it's easy raising a child(s)?

My two girls have totally different personalities and behavior.

Kinda like Mary-Kate and Ashley in New York Minute. Opposites, but still bff sisterhood.

I don't know about you but I've been getting my kids to do (their) chores whenever possible. Simple chores such as wiping the dining table, tidying the bed and organizing toys and books.

I see no wrong training them at a young age. It boosts their responsibility and understanding in cleanliness and hygiene.

Keep your expectation low. They'll get better in time.

I don't consider myself an ocd freak, but I do get easily pissed when I see unwashed dishes in the kitchen sink, empty drink boxes in the hall, scattered throw pillows on the floor, bread or biscuit crumbs all over the room, scattered toys especially the small ones like legos and shopkins..you know, those petty little stuff. Which mom wouldn't?

My girls understood me well. They want to avoid me being a monster mama, they willingly on their own will pick up and clear those bits and pieces now without having to be told.

They're now used to keep their toys after they are done playing, wipe off spilled drinks using the kitchen cloth, help me collect hanging laundry, organized the shoes neatly in a row, throw pillows back on the sofa after tv session..I've raised them good.

Of course it's not always butterflies and rainbow. There are days when they don't even care to lift a finger. That's when they have to face a monster mama for the day.

I don't blame them, I can't. Even I have my lazy days where I don't even bother to do a single chore. I'll just push and pile everything to one side, waiting for my mood to come back.

Tonight, I brought out the old Playdoh set for the girls to play. Once they're done playing, Mayesa came to ask "mama, can I clean up and keep the playdoh now? I don't want to play anymore."

I don't even have to ask. ;) Such a good girl, such good girls. Love lah.

I'm sure you've noticed that big orange slide in the middle of the house. Who wouldn't?

Mayesa's now in pre-school.
She did joined into RockStar Gym for a few months last year but has since terminated her membership. She loves to dance, no doubt; just that she couldn't find enough joy (particularly friends - whom were 'according to her' mostly unfriendly to befriend with), so yeah. Currently she's not involved in any other extra classes such as Iqra' (this, I'll teach her on my own at home), swimming, arts, music classes etc.

None.

So here's my question to you:
Is it really necessary to send your kids to extra classes?

At the time being I have no intention or any plans on enrolling her for any classes outside of her school-hours. I strongly believe that a child can learn so much, but they only have a minimal time span to focus on one thing. She's only turning 5 this year and she has long (17?)more years to extend her knowledge. So I don't intend to rush her into things; I'm going to let her enjoy her childhood.

Just take one steady step at a time now will you?

I know it's challenging nowadays. The syllabus they've prepared and the results they're expecting from the young ones are ridiculous for the ministry to do so and for us parents to even brain them. Learning mathematical equations and extensive vocabs which we won't even be using much if not any in real life, that I don't see the need to burden them with those things.

It is like a war between those kids, and lead to an expected war between us Asian parents with a known kiasu-ness. Everyone is trying to compete with everyone else. It is a battle field, no doubt.

Chill people. Take a chill pill if you must.
Let them learn, and play. Let them find joy in learning.

A close example would be of my nephew.

He has school in the morning, agama(religious) school in the afternoon and tuition classes at night every single day in the week. Even on weekends! How do these kids absorb the inputs well in the first place. And how do you parents find the willpower to push (or shall I just say, pressure) them through it all?

Nowadays even pre-schoolers are being pushed to go into many different extra classes too. And no joke, there are cases where the young ones are needed to go to a psychiatrist due to depression.

Source : Google / Pinterest

I can't brain this.

I know I am still in the early stage of having a child who just started schooling.
Maybe I am (still) too laidback with my parenting, but does that mean my child won't excel much and advance like the other children? *cricket cricket*
I just don't find it necessary to send her to the extra classes at the moment. I'll let her learn and grow at her own pace. I'll spend time to get her involved with after-school activities with me at home, be it educational, arts, cooking, technology, sports whatever she feels like doing on that particular day.

Of course, there's absolutely no right or wrong way to parenting.
You do what's best for your child however you want them to be.
But would you just think about the child, mentally and emotionally, instead of just grades and just good grades?

This is just my take.
I know I won't burden or pressure my two daughters that much. As long as they're learning well, is on par with expectation and excellency,  and doesn't fall too far behind - I'm good. InshaaAllah.

I am currently in pain.

I accidentally pulled a muscle whilst lifting Sofia last night and it hurts pretty bad that I barely managed to get any sleep last night. The pain is excruciating from my waist down right to my left knee, and I even feel a twitch and numb toes every now and then. It is painful to move/sit/bend and it even hurts when I sneeze.

I have to forgo yoga and lifting Sofia/things for at least a few days or could possibly be weeks. Sad, really.

Amidst that,
It is a glaring hot day but such peaceful moment I'm having right now. Kids are taking their afternoon nap altogether at the same time, hence a little update on this blog.

Three.

Three kids under my care since yesterday. One of my nephew is here with us since the nursery is closed for the year-end holidays. Not a big deal having another toddler in this house, really, but I'm still not ready for a number three.

Less dramas for at least a couple more years please.

Do you want another sibling? A baby brother or another baby sister?

 I popped that question to Mayesa this morning.

Yes, I want a baby brother. Not like this Alif, but another one, just a baby boy.

LOL. She got stressed up a little this afternoon having to look after the two 2-year olds who are a handful, perhaps that was why she gave me such an answer "..but another one".

Not anytime soon. We're all not ready.