Mama(n)datory

One of the things I'm most scared of these days is how crazy people can be. Abduction, robbery, rape, murder..it's like a norm to see in the news every other day. Crime rates are getting higher eventhough the report says otherwise.

Those criminals, they have the slightest care in the world on the impact it gave to the victims.

I always make sure to be aware of my surroundings, whatmore that I am normally out on my own along with my two daughters. I make myself to always keep reminding my daughters to always be by my side and be aware of any weird things, or people. Never be scared to share, no secrets no matter what.

Just last year, I was out with a close friend and Mayesa whom tagged along for quick catch up tea session over at our neighborhood mall. We were lining up at a money changer booth when I noticed a guy standing not in line behind us was like looking and smiling towards my daughter. I initially thought he was just being nice and nothing more, assuming he's also queing up to change money. I pulled my daughter closer anyway to be on the safe side.

As minutes passed by, he was still smirking, with like creepy preying eyes towards my daughter. I felt uneasy, even my friend noticed and we decided to walk away quickly and come back to the money changer a little later.

As we were walking away, I did a quick look and saw the guy also went off and didn't even stayed in line, so he was never there to change money in the first place!

We went out of the mall immediately and went to another money changer in a different plaxe instead!

And just recently, yesterday to be precise, I brought my daughters to have lunch at a famouse fast-food joint. I purposely chose to sit at the table nearest to the play area for better viewing of my kids.

So they went into the play area (it was just the two of them and no other kids present), and up on the slides, and they immediately came back to me saying "there's a big guy sitting behind the stairs, why is he there mama? I'm scared, I don't want to play with him sitting there".

Imagine the horror on my face!

I demanded my kids to sit with me and to first eat their meals whilst I call upon the store manager who happens to be attending customers just a few tables away from us.

She was also surprised when I reported about the guy in the play area, apologizing that she was unaware of the situation and she went in to handle the issue soonafter she acknowledge another staff (maybe for backup if anything were to happen).

The guy came out of the play area, with a troubled face, which we're not sure if he's bad or if he's just facing a tough life situation. But better be safe than sorry, he could be dangerous without us knowing.

You see, it scares me, it definitely scares all of us moms having to care and to protect of our precious little humans. It's a mad world out there, one has to be extra protective and precautious of every little situation we are in.

It's tough, but we would do anything for our babies. Screw you, bad crazy guys!

I'm missing Perth.
The fresh air, the clear blue sky, the company.
The serenity.

Even the driving experience.

People normally describe Perth as a dead town, or a town for retirees.
Nothing fancy, no interesting shenanigans.

That's to them.
And that's to me.
Very basic, minimalistic.
No drmatic huhas.

I love Perth as is.
I felt such calm and at peace in Perth.

I need that lifestyle.
And to achieve that, I need to migrate.

But I doubt that'll ever happen.
But I'll work my way there, eventually, hopefully.

Here's just too chaotic.
I need to set myself free..

September.
Again, it's haze season in Malaysia.

This time around, the haze hits me(and most people) bad. My skin's gotten dry like, super dry. I  guess I over exfoliated my skin because I felt super icky with the dirty polluted dry air that touches my skin.

It has been irritated since early of the month. It's now flaky, day 4. Itchy and redness, day 14? The sensitivity level of my skin has abruptly worsen, just within two weeks.

The haze is just too bad, I even forbid my daughter from going to school. Even the ministry has now decided to close school session for 3 consecutive days this week.

Why isn't anyone in the goverment doing anything to solve this issue, I wonder. It's been years, every September. Years!

I was on a fast-food binge with my daughters past month. I am aware how unhealthy fast-food are, but my cooking modjo was lost somewhere not to be found. Whatmore with the trip we had to Australia during mid-August, I just use up whatever food stuff we had from July and did not bother to stock up even when we've already  returned a week after.

I ballooned.
Hips gotten wider, face rounder. Break-outs too.

But then, dun dun dunnnn..

Just as I was getting back into action in my kitchen, I caught myself in a situation where I could no longer bear my haywire emotions.

And it wasn't even due to my weight gain.

I cooked, but I cooked basic meals, and repetitive after a couple of days. Mainly for my daughters. Husband? He only eats if he hasn't eaten any dinner at work.

I've lost my appetite. I either have breakfast, or I have lunch. Dinner are usually a piece of cheese sandwich if not none.

I went off my daily caffeine too. I gulped glasses of plain water everyday to combat hunger and thirst. I even started to jog at the park after sending my daughter to school to ease my mind and bring some rosy flush to my cheeks.

That made me lose pounds just like *fingersnap*.

Don't know how many pounds exactly, but I just bought myself a couple of pants today and I've dropped two sizes from a 29 to a 27.

I don't even know if I should be happy of this weight loss or should I gain it back together with redeeming my happiness?

Pain. Mood swings. Irritated. Sadness.

Just to update on this medium, my daughter Mayesa had gotten a confirmed placement in the primary school we've chosen. Nothing fancy, nothing out of ordinary for our selection, just that it's nearest to home. Easy commute for me too, to send her into her big school and to send the little one to her pre-school that's located just opposite section.

I made the selection. I prepared the necessary documents. I submitted the application, both online and physically in school. I checked the result.

Excited much? Yes, and no. My baby's stepping into a primary school soon, I should be and should not be happy at the same time. If you know what I mean.

And, it wasn't just excitement. If I didn't do all the works, I mean, who else would be doing it? If you know what I mean.

Urgh, men.

Disclaimer :  This could be a sensitive issue to some. So move along now if you think you'd throw me shits for this general opinion of mine. I don't need more negativity in my life.

A friend recently asked me,

What made you wear your scarf? Were there times whenever you feel like taking it off? Was there like a force or some sort, because most of our friends who's gotten married wears it soon after.

I said what I had to say. I did what I had to do. Too sensitive of an issue to really talk about it on this platform. Some people will agree, and some will not and those would give me a backlash from sides, back and front thus I'd rather not say it here.

Simply put in general, it is a phase. A phase when you're trying to impress your Creator as well as your spouse. Even if one decided to take it back off, it is just another phase. Another phase of faith and istiqamah.

Whatever the decision one chose, respect it. There are ways to advice. Not through force, and not through negative remarks definitely. Don't, i repeat, do not play God.